Conquering Impostor Syndrome: My Journey

Impostor syndrome is a common experience in engineering, especially for people early in their careers. However, it’s not limited to beginners—anyone, at any level, can feel like they don’t belong.

After 12 years in the tech industry, I’ve learned that impostor syndrome isn’t something you simply outgrow. I’ve spoken to people at all levels, from junior engineers to executives, and they have all experienced impostor syndrome at some point. For me, it resurfaces whenever I step into something new. 

The key isn’t eliminating these feelings entirely—it’s having the right tools and techniques to work through them. Through my experiences, I’ve developed strategies that help me overcome self-doubt and step into my full potential. If you’re facing similar challenges, I hope they will help you as well.

The Early Struggles: Learning Through Panic

Early in my career, I spent a lot of time in what I now recognize as the panic zone. I wanted so badly to prove myself, but I was so afraid of being too slow, of making mistakes, of being found out as an impostor, that I inadvertently got in the way of my own learning. Instead of struggling through problems to build my understanding, I often sidestepped the learning process entirely, asking for help just to get my tasks done as quickly as possible.

One of my biggest challenges was pair programming. At the time, it was gaining traction as an industry best practice, but I struggled immensely with it. I couldn’t type in front of people (still can't), and I couldn’t think through technical problems and talk at the same time. I didn’t know enough—or didn’t feel confident enough—to say that pairing wasn’t working for me, so instead, I found ways to hide. I let my fear of appearing incompetent override my ability to actually grow.

About a year into my engineering career, I moved to a new team where the environment was entirely different. The more senior engineers were dedicated to other projects, and I was tasked with something that felt completely over my head. There wasn’t an easy escape hatch—I had to figure things out.

I felt ignorant and adrift at the beginning. I was working with engineers who were deep experts, and I respected them immensely, but I was almost afraid to ask them for help! But they were an extremely kind group of people, and it became clear pretty quickly that they were there to help me get unstuck, not to judge me. Instead of just struggling, I started making forward progress. I was learning new tools and new ways to approach problems. For the first time, I realized that struggling wasn’t a sign of failure. It was a sign of learning. And as I learned, I gained confidence.

Key takeaways

• Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Your team is there to support you.
• Don’t be afraid to speak up if something isn’t working for you.
• No one was born knowing how to do these things. Embrace your learning journey, even when it’s hard.

Fears Come to Life: Facing Public Criticism and Finding Resilience

As a mid-level engineer, I experienced my worst fear come to life: a senior leader questioned my competence in a very public setting.

I had spent eight months working on a large-scale framework version update, meticulously planning and implementing changes to ensure stability. But as we approached the finish line, the worst possible thing happened—our code caused an incident. A cascading set of failures brought the site down for almost an hour, and leadership was in crisis mode. I needed in-person approval from the Senior Vice President of Engineering to deploy critical stabilizing code. As I stood in a room full of senior leaders, he took the opportunity to berate me in front of everyone. He told me he didn’t trust my code or my intentions.

I had just experienced my worst fear—being told outright that I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t belong. That I was a fraud. Except... that wasn’t how I felt.

I was embarrassed, yes. But more than that, I was angry. Angry that he had humiliated me in front of leaders I respected. Angry that he had chosen to focus on blame. And most of all, angry because I knew something he didn’t—that it wasn’t my code that had caused the failure.

This experience taught me something critical about impostor syndrome: sometimes, the voices telling you that you don’t belong aren’t in your own head. Sometimes, they come from the people and systems around you. That doesn’t mean that what they’re saying is true.

I didn’t doubt my abilities that day, because by then, I had built confidence through action. I had spent months solving difficult problems, leading efforts, and making technical decisions. And that confidence—the kind that comes from doing—gave me resilience in the face of external criticism.

I won’t say I got over the experience quickly. There’s something about public humiliation that makes one hesitate to take risks. But I came out of it with a reputation as someone who keeps their head in a crisis, and who focuses on solutions while others are pointing fingers.

Key takeaways

• The critics aren’t always on the inside. That doesn’t make them right. Even senior leaders act through fear.
• Confidence comes through doing.
• Everyone makes mistakes. What counts is how you show up and what you learn.

Stepping into Leadership and Leaning On Experience

Stepping out of my comfort zone as a senior engineer and into the spotlight as a leader was one of the most intimidating transitions of my career. I had spent years developing strong opinions and deep experience with a critical part of the product that was now under-funded and in need of engineering help. Frustrated with the situation, I shared my concerns with a sponsor, who helped me see an opportunity to influence how this part of the product would be supported going forward.

One conversation led to another, and soon I was making plans to spin up and lead two teams: one to maintain the legacy product I knew so well, and another to build the next generation of that product using modern technologies. The day we planned to announce this initiative internally, I had a crisis of confidence. Who was I to take this step? I wasn’t a leader—I had just come off a project that was cancelled right before it shipped. How could I be the right person for this?

I sat down with my manager and told her I didn’t think I could go through with it. Instead of reassuring me with empty praise, she challenged me to dig deeper into my feelings. She acknowledged my fear and asked me to think of a time when I felt strong and powerful.

The answer came easily. Ten years earlier, I had joined a kickboxing school. About six months into training, I had a realization—physically and emotionally, I felt different. I felt big and the world seemed smaller and more manageable than it ever had before. My manager encouraged me to find ways to channel that feeling, not just in the moment of the announcement but in the days ahead, when I would need resilience to gather resources, influence roadmaps, and drive change within the organization.

She was right. My fear had been so overwhelming that it had clouded everything else. But when I tapped into that feeling of strength, I found clarity. Riding that high, I went back to my desk and made the announcement. Then, I immediately researched and found a kickboxing class I could take twice a week.

That experience taught me to recognize when fear is keeping me playing safe and small. It showed me that I can draw on moments when I’ve felt powerful and use those experiences to generate confidence in the present. Today, I know that I can handle anything because I’ve worked through fear before—and I’ve come out the other side stronger and more resilient.

Stepping into leadership doesn’t mean being fearless; it means knowing how to move forward even when fear is present. It means trusting in your past victories and using them as fuel for your future success. And sometimes, it means remembering that you’ve fought before—and won.

Key takeaways

• Acknowledge your fears but don’t let them control you.
• Mine your history for sources of power and bring them into your present.

Becoming an Engineering Manager: Trusting Myself

Stepping into an engineering manager position without first serving as an individual contributor on the team felt like a leap into the unknown. This wasn’t my first role as a manager, but it was the first time I had been hired directly into leadership. The company was fast-growing, running on a technology stack I had never worked with before, and I was leading a team of leaders: two staff engineers, two senior engineers, and a mid-level engineer.

From day one, I felt like I was hanging onto the caboose of a speeding freight train and couldn't find my footing. I felt completely adrift. Old feelings of being in the panic zone resurfaced, and whenever someone asked how I was doing in my new job, I would joke, “Well, they haven’t fired me yet!” I wasn’t joking—I was convinced that someone would eventually figure out that I didn’t know what I was doing and call me out as the impostor I believed myself to be.

Every other week, I found myself crying over Zoom with my leadership coach as I struggled with my fears. I was surrounded by people who seemed to be in peak form: young, capable, and prolific in their work. I felt like none of these things.

My coach was gentle yet firm, challenging the assumptions that were feeding my impostor syndrome. “Are those facts or are those feelings?” she would ask. More often than not, I was allowing my insecurities to tell me stories that only fueled my fear.

It didn't happen overnight, but I don't even remember when the fear left for good -- I was too busy clarifying expectations and supporting my team. In the words of Susan Jeffers, I "[felt] the fear and did it anyway."

Key takeaways

• Feelings are not facts.
• Own your selection – you were hired because you were the right fit. Let them hear your voice.
• You’re probably the only one who thinks you’re an imposter. Talk with a coach or mentor to challenge your assumptions.

Conclusion: Conquering Impostor Syndrome Through Action

A common thread in all of these experiences is that impostor syndrome hits hardest during change. It is the fear of being seen as someone who isn’t uniquely brilliant. But what I’ve learned is that fear has its place, but it isn't the whole experience.

Another lesson that sticks with me is like the Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Impostor syndrome can be self-fulfilling. The most powerful advice I’ve ever received was to stop focusing on the feelings and get to work. You don’t conquer fear by meditating on it—you conquer it through taking action anyway.

An 8-Week Program to Conquer Impostor Syndrome

For those who recognize themselves in my journey, I’ve designed an 8-week program focused on getting unstuck. This program isn’t about dwelling on impostor syndrome—it’s about taking concrete steps to move forward. Using tools and learning strategies, we’ll work on shifting your mindset, building resilience, and overcoming the self-doubt that holds you back. Because the key to overcoming impostor syndrome isn’t waiting for confidence to appear—it’s building confidence through action.

If you’re ready to take control of your career and stop letting fear hold you back, this program is for you. Let’s get to work.