The Hidden Cost of “They Haven’t Fired Me Yet” Jokes

I was overwhelmed when I started a new job at a company that felt out of my league. I had been hired at a much higher salary than I’d ever made before, and I was surrounded by colleagues who were hungry to prove themselves as leadership material. The culture was competitive—everyone seemed to be clamoring for attention, eager to showcase their impact. That just wasn’t me.

On top of that, I was entering an entirely new domain, filled with jargon I didn’t understand. Everything moved so fast, and everyone else seemed to know exactly what they were doing. I felt like an impostor.

Whenever my friends asked how my new job was going, I’d joke, “Well, they haven’t fired me yet!” It always got a laugh, but beneath the humor was something real: doubt, insecurity, and a quiet fear that I didn’t belong. In hindsight, I can see that every time I made that joke, I was reinforcing a damaging story—one where I was a fraud and it was only a matter of time before someone realized their mistake in hiring me.

The Reinforcing Loop of Self-Doubt

It took me months to shake off that bout of impostor syndrome. I was doing the right things—working with my coach, articulating my value, and recognizing my strengths as a leader. But every time I made a joke about not being fired yet, I felt like I was taking a step backward.

I started to notice how these jokes affected me. They weren’t harmless self-deprecation—they were reinforcing my belief that I wasn’t good enough. Even worse, they subtly influenced how I showed up in my work. When I made those jokes, I wasn’t just admitting my own insecurities—I was questioning my right to be there.

A Simple but Powerful Shift

What really helped me to put this behind me was recalling some advice I received in the first year of becoming a software engineer. During one of my 1:1s, after months of talking about impostor syndrome, my manager gently suggested something different:

"What if you took a break from focusing on this? Just for a little while. We can revisit in a few weeks, if it is still top of mind, but try giving it a break."

It was such a simple suggestion, but it changed everything.

"In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go." - Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain

If you drive toward where your eyes are looking, then I had been staring at my impostor syndrome. I was so focused on the ways I felt inadequate that I wasn’t making space to recognize my progress.

Once I stopped constantly questioning whether I belonged, I started stepping into my role with more confidence. I paid attention to what I was learning, to the ways I was contributing, and to the support I was receiving from my peers.

Changing the Story You Tell Yourself

If you keep looking for ways you don’t measure up, you’ll always find them. But the opposite is also true—if you look for the ways you do belong, you’ll find those too.

That’s why self-deprecating humor can be so insidious. It feels lighthearted, but it subtly shapes the way we see ourselves. If every time someone asks how work is going, your answer is, “Well, they haven’t fired me yet!”—you’re reinforcing the idea that you don’t really deserve to be there.

Instead, what if you changed the script?

• Instead of “They haven’t fired me yet,” try “I’m learning a ton and growing every day.”
• Instead of “I have no idea what I’m doing,” try “I’m figuring things out as I go, just like everyone else.”
• Instead of “I don’t belong here,” try “I bring a unique perspective to this team.”

The words we use matter. They shape our self-perception, our confidence, and ultimately, our success.

So next time you catch yourself making a self-deprecating joke, pause. What if, instead, you told a different story—one where you belong?

If this resonates with you, and you want to break the cycle of impostor syndrome, I invite you to check out Conquering Impostor Syndrome: Building Confidence in Your Tech Career—my 8-week program designed to help engineers reframe self-doubt and build confidence. Through guided exercises, coaching, and practical strategies, you’ll develop the tools to stop questioning your worth and start owning your success.